Suddenly the loved one is an enemy. All there is left is anger, resentment and the desire to hurt. There is no communication, no experience of the other except as a threat: the desire to damage, to belittle, to get revenge rules and takes over every thought, every feeling, every action.
What happened? The destructive side of the ego got activated and the need to be right kidnaps us. Forget about love, compassion and relatedness. We need to ‘win’ at all cost.
We do not know it has nothing to do with what is happening. We cannot know it: we are not there anymore.